Madonna? Fucking MADONNA? NFL network just interviewed Madonna. Huge press conference. You know in 5th grade when you had a book report due and you totally did not read the book, so you just got up there and made up some bullshit? Well that book report was probably better than anything the queen of pop has to say about football. Stick to faking a British accent to sound even snobbier than you already are and let people who actually know sports talk about them. I don't know who I hate more, the asshole who said, "hey, lets get Madonna to say a few words!" or Madonna for actually accepting. If someone called me and asked me to do an interview on veggie burgers I would decline because I'm not a vegetarian or a lesbian. Madonna isn't a cheerleader, and she sure as shit can't play football so shut the fuck up and go back to sucking Guy Richie's dick so maybe he can put out another movie.
Here's an even better idea, stop asking people what they think about Rob Gronkowski's ankle. Unless that person is the doctor who did the MRI or X-Ray or whatever the fuck and they actually have something to contribute, just don't even ask. I don't give a fuck what Jerry Rice has to say about a high ankle sprain. You know what? Fuck it, if you're going to ask someone about it, ask a smokeshow like Sofia Vergara or Jennifer Aniston. I'm on a cougar kick lately. At least if it's a Colombian dime-piece with a priapism inducing accent or Jennifer god damn Aniston I won't give a fuck that whatever they are saying is completely irrelevant and I can just take in the view. Sofia Vergara could talk to me about anal fissures for six hours and I would still happily marry her. Jerry Rice talks about playing wide receiver for 25 seconds and I want to punch him in his smug face.
More tits or GTFO NFL Network. Oh, and no one wants to watch Rich Eisen go down a fucking zip line. I like him as a broadcaster, as an extreme sportsman he sucks. I'm going to eat a god damn snack.
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